"Every little thing that you do.."

So, originally I was writing about the sun, the beach, happy things.

But then this song came on..

ITS BEEN HAUNTING ME FOR LIKE 2 WEEKS!

Its driving me absolutely nutty.

I have specifically not listened or sang this song for like 2 years now.

I hate how songs bring back memories.

Memories you've repressed...

Haa.

But really, im over it.

It comes on my pandora.

Its on the radio randomly.

My ipod?

..I swore I deleted it..

It comes on in TARGET

How does a song haunt you?

Follow you?

Its annoying.

Haha.

But..anyway. im over that.

Just a slight venting session.

Ya know?

I have decided im going to the beach.

I want to go to Destin.

I want to be tan.

I love the sun.

I love the sand.

I love relaxing.

Ah, it sounds magical.

A long weekend at the beach.

A weekend of FUN!

Sounds just like what the doctor ordered..

No?

I want to go before it gets crowded.

Annnd before it gets ridiculously expensive.

Ohh my, I cant wait to be tan.

Thats by far the BEST part of summer.

Maybe, while down there i'll stop and see some family.

If there is family close?

I dunno. 

Most of the family tends to stay more inland.

Ohh well.

IM SO EXCITED.

I just wanna go--RIGHT NOW! 

That is all for right now.

I just wanna go to the beach.

Nothing else is really on my mind.

Kayy Bye Loves :)

"Lost what it takes to really, really feel"

Its been one of those weeks where I feel like if something could go wrong it would.

Annnd, its not just this week.

It was part of last week too..

I just don't know whats wrong.

Its been a constant string of just really rotten days.

I havent been feeling well.

My cats been evil.

I feel alone.

My hairs bothering me.

Works been hell.

...Im saying "hell" again...

Im uninspired.

Ungrateful

Rude

Snappy

...BLECH...

Meh, im done making a list. Its just plain depressing.

I wish I knew what was wrong.

Its like the other week when I felt like my heart was broken.

Strange?

Yes.

How do I fix this?

I keep thinking I've fixed it with different things.

Annnd, well, it just comes back.

Im pretty positive this isnt depression.

Its juuust...a rut?

Maybe it just boils down to the same'ol same'ol

I need to leave.

Get out of here.

Move far far away.

I need change.

New people.

New music.

New surroundings.

I need to learn.

Grow

Be.

I was thinking about this the other day when Twit blogged...

http://thatgirltwit.blogspot.com

Annd the things Jeff said to her..hit me.

I have so much to be grateful for.

So, why is it so hard sometimes to appreciate those things?

Im tired of what I call "No good berry bad days"

But, I think sometimes its SUPER hard to turn that frown upside down.

Its easier sometimes to frown...

I have a habit of creating a facade.

Its worked in the past--annnd im pretty good at it.

But, its tiring.

It takes a lot of work.

Im tired of that.

Shouldn't we be real with one another?

I think so.

So, here's me being real.

Today, I thought a lot about the lesson I had on Sunday about sacrifice.

I hate sacrifice.

I hate giving up things I know are bad...

Its comforting, those friendships you shouldn't have.

Ya know?

There is something about them that makes you feel good about yourself.

Or at least, myself.

Ive just been thinking about friendships in general.

I suppose.

What friendships are?

How to maintain them..

When its time to say goodbye.

Whether, they're helping me grow--keeping me behind.

..What to do about them..

I feel like things were much easier when I was younger.

Being an adult stinks.

But, I suppose we all have to grow up sometime.

Im tired of being alone kids..

Not like...

not in a relationship kinda alone.

But more so im tired of living alone.

Feeling lonley.

Feeling like I have no one..?

Meh, I dunno.

Maybe, im just ranting now..

Here's to hoping change comes around the corner sooner rather than later.

Save Us--Cartel.

Iheartthis

G'bye loves.

"I'm a good girl I am"

Sometimes, I think I do my biggest and best thinking on Sundays.

We talked about sacrifice today in church.

Annd well..

It got me thinking.

I had always known what sacrifice was...

Buut, I always thought it was the bigger things we give.

Time.

Money.

I suppose it hadn't occurred to me that sacrifice could also pertain to--

friends.

loved ones.

relationships.

It all makes sense.

I don't know why its never hit me before

You know?

It was eye-opening to say the least.

Makes you rethink a lot of decisions and choices you've made.

..are making..

Im not gonna lie and say I've been the best person as of late.

I mean, im not horrible...I suppose.

But, definitely not the best version of myself by far.

Im trying to be better.

Promise.

Its just, sometimes, I find myself drawn to old...habits?

I dunno, its hard to explain.

This new me is kinda strange.

The good one, you know.

I dont think I've ever been this person before.

Does that mean im maturing? 

I guess at this point its time to turn it all over the Lord.

I absolutely love going out with the Sisters..

I feel like it gives me a purpose during the week.

Which, brings us back to..

"That thing we don't talk about"

Its still looming in the back of mind.

Constantly there--and not quite proud of my latest decisions.

I talk to almost everyone about it.

Even though....I "don't talk about it"

I've been continually praying.

No burning desire yet.

But, I think starting my papers wouldn't hurt.

I think that if through the process the Lord needed to tell me it wasn't the right thing..

He would do it then.

You know? 

At some point I should be preparing to go the temple.

Whether, its for the mission.

Or a marriage looming far in the future.

Either way, I must say how utterly EXCITED I am the temple is opening in May.

Its been a long time coming.

I havent been into a temple in ages.

I meant, I went and SAW the temple for Manda & Braden's wedding

Buuut, there wasnt much time to actually DO anything there.

What a blessing it is to have a temple so close to us.

I think this rededication has shown me how grateful and blessed I should be and am that the temple is only 30 mintutes away...

That I dont have to drive for days.

Need to sell my house.

Save for a lifetime.

Or never..

See the temple.

Im also so very excited that its going to be open to the general public for two weeks of tours.

Thats right, everyone can go through and see the beauty, that is the Atlanta Temple.

So...EXCITING :) 

Ahh. Love.

I Love it

        

G'night Loves

:)

That thing we dont talk about..

So, I think only getting 4 hours of sleep gets to one...ya know?

And sometimes, I dont think its such a bad thing.

I tend to do some of my very best thinking when I'm sleep deprived.

Why?

I dunno. Im strange.

True fact. :)

But today was full of big and small decisions.

I think I've come closer to some things that were weighing heavy on my mind...

Its comforting

I'm happy.

But anyways..

today was a perfectly pleasent day!

4 hours of sleep and all

I went with the missionaries this morning and go to talk about the Restoration.

Love. Love. Love.

The Sis. we visited was so cute.

& her family? Adorable.

We taught a lot about the Book of Mormon & how the restoration has blessed our lives.

Sometimes it amazes me how much the Lord helps you out in situations like that.

He knows what you need to say to get through to the one your teaching.

&& he helps, ya know?

Love.

I went on a little adventure today with Koot and Twit 

:)

It was fabulous.

We got to visit a Sis in the hospital. 

For just going through surgery she is a BALL of engery.

Shes absolutely adorable.

We also got to visit Sis. Phillips.

She went into surgery this afternoon.

My prayers are with her! 

Today, Whitney decorated the office with cute lil Valentiney things.

Again, Love. Love. Love.

It's just so festive in here I dont know what to do.

Buuut to be aware of Singles Awareness Day.

Haa- buuut Twit's my Valentine.

Could you ask for a better one?? :) 

....
I've been such an emotional roller coaster this week that this day was much needed.

Its amazing what a little scripture reading and such can do for a girl.

Twit gave me a talk today to read by Neil L Anderson "You Know Enough"

I needed this.

"We each have moments of spiritual power, moments of inspiration and revelation...Challenges, difficulties, questions, doubts-these are part of our mortality."

We are not alone.

Its a nice realization isn't it?

I feel uplifted today.

Its a nice change from broken hearted/uninspried/and sad..

 I wish everyone the grandest of days.

You deserve it.

Goodbye Loves

I feel the need to do this again...

So, im a talker. I mean, I like to talk about almost anything and everything.

If I do something stupid...I want to talk about it.

Have a bad/good/inbetween day...yeahh, lets talk.

Im a wreck.

Im human.

Ya know?

I've been feeling like Im in a rut lately.

Not to complain, too much..

Buuut, I've been home from school since, like, I cant even remember when.

I feel so uncreative lately.

I desperately need change.

I dont know what kind of change i need yet. 

But...the only thing constant is change.

Or, so im told.

I have options, you know.

School.

Mission.

Going home.

Moving.

Im so messed up its not funny.

I dont like change.

Yet, I crave it.

Not normal?

Yeahh, I know.

I think when I get this way I start doing stupid things.

Not, horrible im going to hell kinda things.

Juuust, things I know better than to do.

For instance, giving my number to a stranger in my parking lot.

I crave attention.

It wasnt smart I know.

Buuut, it happened. 

I regret it.

I think this week im going to work on focusing my need for attention to something useful, helpful..

If thats possible.

On Thursday, im going with the Sister missionaries to help teach about the Restoration.

Im kind of excited--theres no better way to spend my extra time.

Im hoping by spending this time with the Lord, doing his work, gets me out of my rut.

I desperately need to feel something again.

I need to feel alive, needed, inspired...something.

Someone who inspires me right now, Josiah Leming.

Heres one of my fave's

He has a new website...

www.Josiahleming.com

You get a free download if you visit.

Enjoy..