Its been one of those weeks where I feel like if something could go wrong it would.
Annnd, its not just this week.
It was part of last week too..
I just don't know whats wrong.
Its been a constant string of just really rotten days.
I havent been feeling well.
My cats been evil.
I feel alone.
My hairs bothering me.
Works been hell.
...Im saying "hell" again...
Im uninspired.
Ungrateful
Rude
Snappy
...BLECH...
Meh, im done making a list. Its just plain depressing.
I wish I knew what was wrong.
Its like the other week when I felt like my heart was broken.
Strange?
Yes.
How do I fix this?
I keep thinking I've fixed it with different things.
Annnd, well, it just comes back.
Im pretty positive this isnt depression.
Its juuust...a rut?
Maybe it just boils down to the same'ol same'ol
I need to leave.
Get out of here.
Move far far away.
I need change.
New people.
New music.
New surroundings.
I need to learn.
Grow
Be.
I was thinking about this the other day when Twit blogged...
Annd the things Jeff said to her..hit me.
I have so much to be grateful for.
So, why is it so hard sometimes to appreciate those things?
Im tired of what I call "No good berry bad days"
But, I think sometimes its SUPER hard to turn that frown upside down.
Its easier sometimes to frown...
I have a habit of creating a facade.
Its worked in the past--annnd im pretty good at it.
But, its tiring.
It takes a lot of work.
Im tired of that.
Shouldn't we be real with one another?
I think so.
So, here's me being real.
Today, I thought a lot about the lesson I had on Sunday about sacrifice.
I hate sacrifice.
I hate giving up things I know are bad...
Its comforting, those friendships you shouldn't have.
Ya know?
There is something about them that makes you feel good about yourself.
Or at least, myself.
Ive just been thinking about friendships in general.
I suppose.
What friendships are?
How to maintain them..
When its time to say goodbye.
Whether, they're helping me grow--keeping me behind.
..What to do about them..
I feel like things were much easier when I was younger.
Being an adult stinks.
But, I suppose we all have to grow up sometime.
Im tired of being alone kids..
Not like...
not in a relationship kinda alone.
But more so im tired of living alone.
Feeling lonley.
Feeling like I have no one..?
Meh, I dunno.
Maybe, im just ranting now..
Here's to hoping change comes around the corner sooner rather than later.
Save Us--Cartel.
Iheartthis
G'bye loves.
I truly wish that you were here right now so I could just talk to you, but you are not so I must type this because tomorrow when I see you I will probably be thinking about water heaters or some lunatic customer. Well, Miss Ry Ry French fries, you are most likely indeed stuck in a rut. It happens to the best of us, but my dear, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you this. I hit a big one since you have known me. Remember my crazy ex boyfrand? Yeah, him. He like ruined my life. Or so I thought at the time. Before I knew it, my prince charming had swept me off my feet and now I have Miss Callie who is the light of my life. You too one day will have the finer things in life. Before we know you will be driving around in a Mercedes Benz convertible with a new Coach bag and fresh manicure and hair do every week! Well, maybe not all that too soon but growing up, you will run into a lot of "ruts". And some of the ones you hit now will be much easier than what is to come, trust me- it gets harder than this. God is preparing you for your future. You know he only wants the best for you so sit back and let him take control. Keep yourself busy. You won't think about how much your life sucks. Or better yet, think of how much someone else's life sucks and how good you really have it. Friends that are true will always be there for you. Tara and I have been friends for like 13 years now! We use to get into little fights and thinking back, we were so silly! We didn't talk for like a year because our boyfriends got into a fight with each other. That would be my biggest regret of our friendship. But we did learn to be honest with each other which has only strengthened our relationship. I am here for her and she is here for me, and no matter what we don't judge each other. Well those are my words of wisdom for the night. I suppose I will get back to doing my school work now.
ReplyDeletei know how you feel.
ReplyDeletelike really.
it's a trixy situation, but also a growing situation.
after reading jeff's words, i felt like i have so many blessings in my life....yet even crappier that i couldn't be happy and know how to appreciate them. i mean, i do appreciate them. but i still can't get myself happy even though i have so much. and then i feel worse.
&*^%$#(*@^%#$&^@*!
yours truly,
twit